Dear innovators & trailblazers & established entrepreneurs…

Stop wasting time, money, and energy on useless marketing “solutions” that were never made for you (and just keep creating more problems in your business).

Start investing in real solutions to grow & scale that are custom designed for you.

“I felt like I had hundreds of pieces… but they weren’t put into a cohesive whole. Now I have a topographical understanding… of how all those pieces come together as a whole”

Stirling Gardner
Marketing Strategist

What got you here isn’t going to get you where you want to go. 

You hit a stride with your business and found success… until you hit a ceiling. 

The ceiling all entrepreneurs fear when they’ve hit some success. The one where you’ve…

  • Tapped out on marketing ideas and tactics, and too savvy to be sold on the “make $10K in 10 minutes with 10 people on your email list” bullshit.
  • Done the courses, the coaching, the listening to all the advice, and are just not interested in the advice of some random stranger who barely peeks under the hood of your business.
  • Pieced together the copywriters and ad managers and funnel experts and business coaches, and now you have a lot of pieces…

And yet you can’t, for the life of you, figure out how to put the pieces together to get beyond where you are now…

Especially before things fizzle out, stall out, or – worse yet – you become obsolete when the digital world evolves without you…

problem is:

You can’t see the forest for the trees.
You can’t see the label from inside the jar.

not because you can’t; because we all can’t.

It’s Time For You to Unf*Ck Your Marketing. 

 90-Day Consulting ( a mix of DFY strategy + DWY implementation) for innovative entrepreneurs who are ready to get over the $300-500k hump with hands-on support and a custom strategy rooted in your data and expertise that leverages logic and intuition, so you can finally get clarity and momentum in your marketing now, and learn how to do it for yourself next time. 

Perfect* for Coaches | Creatives | Digital Entrepreneurs | Infopreneurs | SAAS |

Start With a 20min Hotseat Call

Get help and see if we’re a good fit  before going all in.

*You don’t need to be driving huge amounts of traffic, or spending money bags on ads. You don’t need to have complex or complicated funnels. You don’t even need to know WTF to do next. 

Over the next 90 days we’ll work together to create a customized plan that suits YOUR needs (not ours), plus we’ll roll up our sleeves and…

  • Dive into your funnels, swim in your sales copy, get messy in your messaging, ogle at your organic content, and even dissect all your data, so you don’t have to.
  • Develop a comprehensive, data-driven understanding of what’s working, what’s driving revenue, and how to fix what’s NOT, without blowing smoke, protecting our egos or sugar coating it.
  • Get in and get dirty to help you finesse your messaging, offers, copy, and positioning from front to back, and back again, in a way that works for you

Before you become stuck, stagnant, or obsolete in this ever-changing digital landscape. 

You really get me!

It feels like I’m in really good hands. You really get me and what I’m trying to build. I’m trusting the process and I can’t wait to see the results.

Amity Cooper
Clinical Brand Strategist

Here’s How It Works…


We kick off with a punchy 60-minute Biz B*tchslap strategy call.

This is where we do all the digging, unraveling, understanding, and observing, so we can truly understand your vision, while taking into account your intuition, experience, and expertise to begin to develop a marketing strategy that will offer you a way out of the mud in way that you feel amazing about by leveraging the Scientific Marketing Method (which you’ll learn how to use).


By the end of the Biz B*tchslap… 

You’ll have a clear picture of your business and marketing strategy from 10,000 ft and also for the next 90-days. 

You’ll be shocked and amazed when you finally see the forest for the trees – and all you’ve built coming together in a plan that feels SO YOU and so supportive of your goals. You’ll also have clear directive from us on the first 1-3 experiments we’ll test to verify our marketing plan is the right one and you’ll know exactly what kinds of results we’re expecting to see to either support or refute our initial hypotheses. And then we’ll get to work. You’ll immediately get support to implement your plan, including…


Access to our entire resource library and epic community in Rebellion.

This is where you’ll really learn, understand, and implement The Scientific Marketing Method and find resources on everything from fixing leaky email sequences to setting up your own ads.

You’ll get access to our weekly Thursday community calls, which are open floor, with a mix of community knowledge sharing, hot-seat coaching, and exploratory conversation around hot topics in the industry like AI, tech, ad strategies, consumer behavior, industry news, and more.

This community is a group of innovative, driven, and successful entrepreneurs who share openly and support each other thoroughly. We’re not a “happy clappers club” – this is the real deal.


PLUS a private channel

With direct access to Chrissie and Eliya whenever you need support, where we’ll remind you of our sprint goals and give you access to links to book calls with us.


hands on support

For the next 90 days you’ll get all access, hands-on support including (as it applies)

  • 1:1 consulting sessions for check-ins, customized care, data analysis, and optimizations.
  • A 1:1 proprietary framework to give your offer or brand clarity, consistent messaging, and custom language front to back as well a visual representation of what makes you different to use in marketing, sales copy, content, and sales conversations.
  • Offer (re)alignment and creation, if necessary. 
  • Over-the-shoulder Google Analytics, Meta ads, or Data studios assistance (oh, the FB ad accounts Chrissie has untangled…)
  • Hands-on copywriting editing for all your copy needs (Yep, Eliya gets IN Google Docs with you to make edits, audit designs, rework email sequences… all of it.)
  • Advising on lead gen best practices, whether you’re going with SEO, relationship building, PR, organic, etc – whatever is going to work for YOU.
  • Consulting on AI technology for things like SEO, blogging, and content repurposing (if it’s part of your plan). As well as walkthroughs to teach you how to use tools like ChatGPT for YOUR needs.
  • (Almost) anything else you might need to succeed while we walk besides you to experiment and implement your marketing strategy.

You can’t find many people like this in the online world who are willing to fight right next to you the whole time.

Julie Hankins
COO, Lily & Thistle

Rewind and Recap:

Here’s what’s included with your 90-day support:


60-minute Business B*tchslap Session

Instant Clarity

Ongoing 1:1 Support in Your Back Pocket

No sleepless nights

Private Channel with Direct Access

No lingering questions

For the next 90 days, you’ll get hands-on support, including (as it applies)

  • Framework Build & Messaging ($1500 value)
  • Comprehensive Ad Strategy ($1500 value)
    • Offer (re)alignment and creation, if necessary. 
  • Copy Editing & Coaching ($997/session value)
  • Over-the-shoulder data & ads support ($997/session value)

We’re not going to leave you hangin’ on the HOW

3 Months in Rebellion including LIVE calls on Thursdays (1pm EST) plus all the resources and community.

Incredible community

Learning our Scientific Marketing Method to use any time you’re stuck, confused, or losing momentum…


YOUR COST: $7,500
Payable in installments

BUT WAIT: We DO NOT expect you to commit upfront.

(That’s like getting married on a first date.) 

Start With a 20min Hotseat Call

See if it’s a good fit for you, before going any further. 

If you chose to continue this journey for the full 90 days…

We’ll know that we’ve done our job if you feel like you DO NOT need us anymore (yes, we want to work ourselves out of our jobs,) because you’ll have a data-driven and scientific approach to gain clarity and autonomy over your marketing, forever

Which means you never have to listen to anyone’s shitty advice or opinions again. Ever.

(You rebel, you; you’re just our type.)

Meet The Marketing Scientists

leading this movement

Hey, we’re Chrissie & Eliya,

After decades in marketing, we joined forces to specialize in data-driven marketing that helps their clients measure and maximize every ounce of energy and dollar spent in their businesses by using a Scientific Marketing Method that leverages a scientific approach we’ve trusted to answer questions about our world for 100s – if not 1000s – of years.

Our clients love our no-holds-barred, everything-on-the-table, data-doesn’t-lie attitude that has helped them make millions in revenue while gaining autonomy over their own business to become even more innovative as they scale.

We’re committed to setting entrepreneurs free from shitty marketing advice that’s holding them back and helping them find a way forward that honors their intuition and expertise, but balances it with cold, hard, data. 

Our approach honors experimenting, failing, and innovation as tools for exponential growth. 

Welcome to the movement.